In Which There is Much Ado About Hair
by YesIEatQuiche
Summary: In which a post-book oneshot attempts -key word- to capture the bickering lives of Sophie and Howl. Observe the title; it gives much away. Honest opinions appreciated. Do enjoy.


**A/N:** Just a little thing I was thinking about whilst getting my own hair chopped. It's really quite silly. I hope you enjoy it though ^^

**Disclaimer:** As usual, nothing is mine.

* * *

In Which There is Much Ado About Hair

Sophie woke up, her ginger locks scratching her face, her neck – well, everywhere. Annoyed, Sophie wrapped the covers around her and shuffled toward the mirror. She stared at her reflection, surprised. Was her hair really that long? She used to keep it at about collarbone length so that she could make a decent bun out of it. Now, however, it nearly reached the small of her back!

But she would have to worry about that later. She needed to pick a new batch of flowers to put in the shop before it opened. Quickly changing into her work clothes, she was about to descend the castle stairs when she decided she should at least plait her hair. Otherwise it would keep getting in the way. But Sophie soon found she could not do much besides brush her long hair. Whenever she started to braid her hair, draw it back in a pony tail, or put it in a simple bun, her hands froze.

"Damnation!" Sophie yelled. She let her hair drop in frustration; it looked perfectly styled, exuding effortless grace. She hated it. Something was fishy about this; she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Knowing no good could come from moping around in her bedroom, Sophie skulked down the stairs.

"Sophie!" Calcifer greeted her, "what's with the face?"

Sophie looked over her shoulder and tiptoed over to the fireplace. "Calcifer," she whispered, "have you noticed anything weird outside the castle lately? It's almost as if –"

"Ah, Sophie!" Howl pranced down the stairs, his raven colored hair bouncing. "I need to go into town this morning," he explained while drawing her into a cursory embrace, "but I picked this for you."

Out of his coat he drew out a lovely flower with blue petals speckled with gold – it had been Sophie's pet experiment for a few weeks. She tried not to mind that Howl had picked it. After all there was still another whole bush – unless Howl had picked that too. She frowned at the thought. Meanwhile Howl had weaved the flower artfully into Sophie's hair. He carefully picked up the end of one lock and kissed it. Then, with a smile, he was gone.

Sophie sat down, hard. Luckily there happened to be a chair there.

"Sophie?" Calcifer said tentatively, "is something wrong?"

"I think I'm under a spell," Sophie mumbled.

"What? Howl can be charming when he wants to be, I suppose, but –"

"No Calcifer, someone has enchanted my hair – I can't do anything with it, see?" Sophie paused with her hands in midair, but Calcifer could tell what she meant.

"Your hair looks nice like that though," Calcifer said unexpectedly.

"Thanks Cal, but I think I really need to talk to Howl – tell Michael I'll meet him at the shop, okay?"

With that she rushed out the castle door.

* * *

As Sophie ran down the main street of Market Chipping she earned quite a few stares. The gentlemen seemed to be mesmerized by the beautiful damsel's hair, while the ladies with their elaborate up-do's eyed her flowing hair enviously. Sophie was completely oblivious to the unwanted attention; her only concerns were finding Howl speedily and keeping her hair out of her eyes.

Sophie rounded a corner – and there! – she spotted Howl leaning against a building. As she approached she realized it was Cesari's. He seemed to be waiting for someone.

"I knew you would come after me," Howl smirked to Sophie. "I'm irresistible to be sure, but it is nice to have proof." He held his arms out wide, waiting for her to join him.

Sophie's mind was elsewhere. Her hair had suddenly gotten heavier, unbearable. It was weighing her down, and yet at the same time compelling her to take a step forward, into Howl's ready arms. With great effort, she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

"Howl!" Sophie said a little louder than necessary, "I want to cut my hair!"

Sophie waited apprehensively. Howl merely stared. Then his eyes widened as if just realizing what Sophie had said. As if to erase the past few moments, Howl put on what Sophie thought of as his "smolder face". However, if she wasn't mistaking there was a trace of fear in his emerald eyes.

"Sophie, you silly girl," Howl cooed while drawing her into an embrace. He began stroking her hair. "You beautiful, silly girl."

Sophie knew what was happening. Howl _wanted_ her to forget about cutting her hair. He _wanted _her to melt into his arms like the other town girls would have. But most of all he _liked_ her with long hair. Undaunted, Sophie resolved not to fall for Howl's tricks.

"Well Howell," Sophie began sweetly, batting her eyelashes as she had seen Lettie do before. Howl did look distracted. "I really should be heading back to the shop – Michael is waiting for me."

Before leaving, she reached up and ruffled Howl's styled hair – completely ruining its mesmerizing effect. Howl, however, didn't seem to mind – he just watched Sophie walk away with a dazed expression on his face.

* * *

The shop door slammed open, causing Michael to drop the flowers he was arranging. In came an exhausted looked Sophie.

"Sophie! You gave me a fright."

Sophie smiled apologetically at Michael and then noticed the garden shears in his hand. Sophie began advancing toward Michael with a maniacal look on her face. Michael backed behind the counter.

"Give me those!" Sophie exclaimed and wrestled the shears out of Michael's pathetic grasp.

"Wait – Sophie – Be – Careful," he huffed.

Triumphant, Sophie held the shears above her head.

"Damn hair!" And with that Sophie sliced her hair off with the shears. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Hahahaha!" Sophie bent over laughing.

Michael was starting to become frightened.

"Sophie, are you okay? Should I go get Martha? Or Howl?"

"NO!" Sophie shrieked, partly at the mention of Howl's name, and partly because her hair was growing back – _fast_. It was now even _longer_ than before. "No. No, no, no, no…" Sophie moaned.

The sound of the front door opening caught Sophie and Michael's attention. It was Howl.

"Just thought I'd check in…" he explained. Then he surveyed Sophie's (longer) hair and smirked.

Sophie waited until he left to throw the shears to the ground. With anger coursing through her, she paced around the shop. It was Howl's doing – all Howl's fault. _He _had cast the dumb spell. Suddenly, she was struck with an idea.

"Two can play at that game," she told a bewildered Michael. She picked up the shears she had thrown and placed them in her pocket.

* * *

Late that night Sophie was all set for her reconnaissance mission. She had spent the better part of witching hour trying to enchant the garden shears she had borrowed from the shop. Sophie hoped she had gotten the spell right – but either way it would work to her advantage. She had also since taken a bath and disguised her scent using Howl's magical bath products. She now smelled like flowers – or rather, Howl. Perhaps it was a little much, but Sophie knew she couldn't get caught.

On her way out of her bedroom she wrapped a scarf around her head (the spell apparently allowed her to do this) so that no hair would get in her face. She rather looked like a ninja from one of the story books she read as a child.

Slowly, Sophie opened her door. She could see a little flicker of Calcifer's flame bouncing off the staircase, but other than that everything was dark…and quiet. Deciding everyone must be asleep, she crept towards Howl's room. Soon Sophie had reached his door. It read: _Howell's room: keep out and beware of spiders_. Under this there was a fairly new line that said: _except for you Sophie! _Sophie rolled her eyes at the wizard's forwardness and pushed the door open.

All was quiet except for Howl's peaceful breathing. Sophie stared at his sleeping face for some time before reminding herself that she was angry at him and that she had a mission to complete. With that, Sophie gingerly tiptoed over to his bed.

Sophie stood over Howl's bed and grinned. His hair was spread out on the pillow, surrounding his head like a halo. Still smiling, Sophie reached for her shears. In one fluid movement, Sophie cut off Howl's silky raven colored hair. She chuckled triumphantly, but Howl didn't even stir. After a few finishing touches, she silently left his room.

Howl was still fast asleep, completely unaware of his midnight visitor.

Sophie, meanwhile, had settled down into her own bed. For the first time that day her own hair wasn't bothering her; she fell fast asleep.

* * *

BANG.

Sophie opened her eyes, dazed, at the sound of the gunshot. It took her a few moments to realize that it was only the sound of her door being thrust open, and that someone had landed on her bed.

In a flurry of movement Howl had Sophie pinned down.

"Sophie! What have you done?" Howl screamed.

"What are you talking about?" Sophie said groggily. Knowing she had never been the best liar, she quickly shut her eyes to avoid giving something away.

"Look! LOOK AT ME WOMAN!"

Howl grabbed Sophie's face and forced her to stare at his…hairstyle.

"I st-still don't see –" she was shaking now. It was all she could do not to laugh.

"I'm-I'm-I'm- hideous!" Howl hung his head in shame.

Sophie almost felt bad for him – she had done an awful job. The cut was as short as a normal man would wear it except horrifically uneven and botched. For a man who cared more about his looks than the average woman, it must be a travesty, Sophie mused.

By now Howl was sobbing. Really sobbing. "I-I-I'm ugly," he choked out. Howl began making odd strangled noises. The bed was shaking from his sobs. It wasn't long before the whole castle was shaking. Not wanting him to call the spirits of darkness and slime her bedroom, Sophie decided she should comfort him.

"Shh, there there now Howl," she soothed while stroking his botched hair. "You're a wizard; you can fix it."

"B-but that's just it – I can't. My magic won't work. I've been cursed to repulse everyone and everything." He sobbed some more.

Sophie turned his face toward hers. Even without his dashing hair Howl was still the most attractive man she had ever seen.

"Looks aren't everything," she said wryly.

Howl ignored her. "YOU. Fix this. NOW." Howl stared at her pleadingly. Sophie opened her mouth to protest but Howl cut her off. "Don't. I know it was your doing. So fix me." He looked up at Sophie through his long eyelashes.

Sophie took a deep breath. "No," she said firmly.

Howl was shocked. "Sophie Maria Hatter, will you _please_ make me beautiful again? Fix this mess you've made."

"Maybe," Sophie began, "But you're the one who started it. You cursed _my _hair _first_."

It was Howl's turn to play dumb. "I don't know – "

"Howell Jenkins Pendragon," Sophie nearly growled.

"Fine, fine! I put a spell on your hair. But I only did it because I thought it would make you look beautiful…"

"Oh, so you don't think I'm beautiful?"

Howl flinched. "I d-do…it's just that…I like long hair! Yours was shorter than mine!"

"I think it's up to me to determine the length of my hair Wizard Jenkins." Sophie assumed her sternest face yet. "Here's the deal: you stop the spell on my hair, and I fix yours too."

Howl considered for a moment. "Okay deal." He extended his hand and they shook on it.

"You first," Sophie said.

Howl ran his fingers through her hair. "Are you sure you don't want long hair?" He glanced at Sophie's stern demeanor. "Fine." Howl snapped his fingers and Sophie's hair returned to its normal length.

Sophie quickly put it up in a bun; she sighed, content.

"Forgetting someone?" Howl reminded her.

Sophie muttered the incantation under her breath and Howl's hair began to regrow. Howl took out his hand-mirror and looked satisfied.

"And throw _that_ thing away," Howl said, gesturing to the shears.

Sophie got out of bed, wrapping her blankets around her, and picked them up.

"Oh and Sophie?" Sophie spun around and found herself standing quite close to Howl. "Thanks," he whispered, kissing her nose. "And I'm sorry."

He left the room, leaving a smiling Sophie looking down at the enchanted garden shears. She regarded the shears for a second, then quickly hid them in her closet – just in case.

* * *

**A/N:** Heh heh heh ^^; Too boring? This was quite a longish oneshot...

Well I had an amusing time writing it. :P

Questions, comments, cantankerous statements?


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